What the Henkel, Padawan?

by Erma Bombeck

Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.

“Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia. Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint…give her Gerard. He’s used to profanity.” Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles.

“Give her a preemie.” The angel is curious. “Why this one, God? She’s so happy.”
“Exactly,” smiles God. “Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel.”
“But does she have the patience?” asks the angel.
“I don’t want her to have too much patience, or she’ll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she’ll handle it. I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I’m going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that’s not going to be easy.”
“But Lord, I don’t think she even believes in you.”
God smiles. “No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just the right amount of selfishness.”

The angel gasps, “Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?” God nods. “If she can’t separate herself from the child occasionally,she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn’t know it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see– ignorance, cruelty, prejudice– and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.”

“And what about her Patron Saint?” asks the angel, his pen poised in the air. God smiles.
“A mirror will suffice.”

The biopsy went on as planned yesterday but we were told that the results won’t be in until next Friday. I guess all there is to do is wait…and make videos! Today, while we were getting ready to go meet Erik’s parents for fika, Adrienne started to smile at him. I grabbed the camera and captured a couple smiles but also some other fun facial expressions. My personal favourite is the one at the end where she looks bored and ready to move on “anyway!”

You can also see her eye a little better in the video. Some more bruising occurred during the procedure but I think it is from the doctors trying to take a better look at her eye or by holding it open while they worked on it.

I apologize for the sound of my voice. I really need to stay quiet while filming!